would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
