I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
