Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
