Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
