i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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