It's Friday. Sex?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.