i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
