He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
