there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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