have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
