dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
