tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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