I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
being pregnant is like rehab
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
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