If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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