I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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