I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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