I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
All the doctor said was why
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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