A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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