I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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