not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
