So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
