Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
i think my cat just said my name.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
