I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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