only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize