The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
