I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
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well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
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Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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