Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
