I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
