I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
