she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
