dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
i've created a new STD.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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