do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
