Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
