Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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