i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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