Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.