Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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