shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
