this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
