...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Pooping to opera.
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