And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize