If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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