I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
