I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
