24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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