When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
