Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
