Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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