it hurts more in the daytime
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
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idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
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