if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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