Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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