Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I love you. Go after that dick
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
