Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
