I just saw a hot homeless man
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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