Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
50% drunk capacity currently
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
