when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
