yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
