Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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