feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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