you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
