i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
