My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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