All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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