he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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