I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
