i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
