OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Randomize
