the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
