I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you win again, gameday.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
