Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
nutella sex= disaster
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
