I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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