You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
