Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
