end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
