I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Actions speak louder than pants.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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